Comments for jeff marmins blog: misc. musings. http://www.jeffmarmins.com Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:08:28 +0000 http://wordpress.org/?v=2.9.2 hourly 1 Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Jeff Marmins http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-340 Jeff Marmins Wed, 24 Feb 2010 19:08:28 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-340 grateful for the blog comment! when can we catch up??!?? grateful for the blog comment! when can we catch up??!??

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Sierra Friend http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-313 Sierra Friend Thu, 18 Feb 2010 15:01:30 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-313 Jeff- Great post...and something that is too often swept under the carpet and/or dealt with in silence, so I appreciate you sharing :) Sierra Jeff-
Great post…and something that is too often swept under the carpet and/or dealt with in silence, so I appreciate you sharing :)

Sierra

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Jeff Marmins http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-312 Jeff Marmins Wed, 17 Feb 2010 23:08:40 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-312 Thanks Jess - transparency is something i get to talk a lot about these days. And, it's easier to discuss than it is to put into real practice. i think that's because we often see honest disclosure as a weakness - protecting our insecurities instead of seeing the bravery in sharing them openly. I appreciate your perspective as well Laura but wonder, when you decide it's time to walk away, how do you handle your relationship in online social mediums? Thanks Jess – transparency is something i get to talk a lot about these days. And, it’s easier to discuss than it is to put into real practice. i think that’s because we often see honest disclosure as a weakness – protecting our insecurities instead of seeing the bravery in sharing them openly.

I appreciate your perspective as well Laura but wonder, when you decide it’s time to walk away, how do you handle your relationship in online social mediums?

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Laura Chick http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-311 Laura Chick Wed, 17 Feb 2010 18:21:15 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-311 Jeff, you pose intriguing questions. I pondered this one.. First, I agree and resonate with everyone above... When I am the one dissed and I react... its usually about me. I know it can hurt depending on the level of the offense and no one really wants to be rejected, treated badly or betrayed. I now find the direct approach to be the simplest. If this is a relationship I want to move toward, I wait for a neutral zone and ask how they intended the remark or action. There may be other factors at work which have nothing to do with me. This also allows a breathing space for them to 'own' or evaluate their part. Sometimes the relationship deepens, sometimes it just stays the same. Its a matter of degrees. If at the end of the day, the relationship or person is not one I want to cultivate, I just walk away with a resolve to move on. In a perfect world, I see to forgive... it releases both of us... even if they don't know they were forgiven. Forgiveness is not always easy, but for me, it is the only path that allows me to show up as who I really want to be and to be free to love more. Jeff, you pose intriguing questions. I pondered this one.. First, I agree and resonate with everyone above… When I am the one dissed and I react… its usually about me. I know it can hurt depending on the level of the offense and no one really wants to be rejected, treated badly or betrayed.

I now find the direct approach to be the simplest. If this is a relationship I want to move toward, I wait for a neutral zone and ask how they intended the remark or action. There may be other factors at work which have nothing to do with me. This also allows a breathing space for them to ‘own’ or evaluate their part. Sometimes the relationship deepens, sometimes it just stays the same.

Its a matter of degrees. If at the end of the day, the relationship or person is not one I want to cultivate, I just walk away with a resolve to move on. In a perfect world, I see to forgive… it releases both of us… even if they don’t know they were forgiven. Forgiveness is not always easy, but for me, it is the only path that allows me to show up as who I really want to be and to be free to love more.

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Jess http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-291 Jess Tue, 16 Feb 2010 17:16:57 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-291 Good thoughts, I agree with what everyone is saying here. Miscommunication can create some real issues. Sometimes it comes down to the point where each side needs to vent and you can become stronger when you work past it. I communicate daily with so many different age groups, each group comes with their own version of ethics and language. It has been really helpful for me to be transparent about my life and ideals. In turn, easier to accept right or wrong. Laura really said it all when she discussed "healthy" relationships and Jeff is right, life is long. Enjoy it! Good thoughts, I agree with what everyone is saying here. Miscommunication can create some real issues. Sometimes it comes down to the point where each side needs to vent and you can become stronger when you work past it. I communicate daily with so many different age groups, each group comes with their own version of ethics and language. It has been really helpful for me to be transparent about my life and ideals. In turn, easier to accept right or wrong.
Laura really said it all when she discussed “healthy” relationships and Jeff is right, life is long. Enjoy it!

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Jeff Marmins http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-274 Jeff Marmins Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:53:17 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-274 Thank you anonymous disgusted mother. I have never had a "mistress." My wife and I were separated during that time and I only recently moved back into my family home. My marriage has been a rocky road, however my wife and i are attempting to reconcile through love, patience, family and counseling. While i appreciate your note, it is an incomplete and inaccurate view of a larger picture. Thank you anonymous disgusted mother. I have never had a “mistress.” My wife and I were separated during that time and I only recently moved back into my family home. My marriage has been a rocky road, however my wife and i are attempting to reconcile through love, patience, family and counseling. While i appreciate your note, it is an incomplete and inaccurate view of a larger picture.

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Suzanne : : S.HOPtalk http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-273 Suzanne : : S.HOPtalk Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:47:02 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-273 I agree with your advice, Jeff. Personally, my philosophies of "don't sweat the small stuff" and kill 'em with kindness" have served me well. I, too, believe that most people have kind hearts and good intentions. Issues tend to stem from miscommunication. If you make the effort to discuss it openly and honestly (vs. an emotional, knee jerk reaction), the issue is often resolved and the relationship becomes stronger. Great post Jeff! I agree with your advice, Jeff. Personally, my philosophies of “don’t sweat the small stuff” and kill ‘em with kindness” have served me well. I, too, believe that most people have kind hearts and good intentions. Issues tend to stem from miscommunication. If you make the effort to discuss it openly and honestly (vs. an emotional, knee jerk reaction), the issue is often resolved and the relationship becomes stronger. Great post Jeff!

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Jeff Marmins http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-269 Jeff Marmins Mon, 15 Feb 2010 18:09:45 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-269 Andrew - I don't think this is a guideline for perfection. Perhaps the central message is not to act in the moment. JT - I hope you're right but I've run into some mean spirited folks. Laura - Thank you. I'm grateful for your friendship. As our lives become more public and we embrace transparency I believe it allows us to be more open to giving and receiving the help that we all need. Thanks for the thoughts and comments. Andrew – I don’t think this is a guideline for perfection. Perhaps the central message is not to act in the moment.

JT – I hope you’re right but I’ve run into some mean spirited folks.

Laura – Thank you. I’m grateful for your friendship.

As our lives become more public and we embrace transparency I believe it allows us to be more open to giving and receiving the help that we all need.

Thanks for the thoughts and comments.

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by Laura Good http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-261 Laura Good Mon, 15 Feb 2010 05:10:03 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-261 Good advice Jeff. I don't think this post is about abandoning our principles. It's more about cutting friends a little slack and taking some time to cool off and reflect. We can take a "time out" from a relationship while we sort things out, but we should not be hasty about cutting friends off. I think it's juvenile to immediately "unfriend", "unfollow" or "unfan." In healthy, safe, relationships, there is freedom to argue, disagree, even sometimes yell at each other, without the fear that someone is going to cut you off because you expressed how you were feeling. Healthy relationships are fluid and allow for good days and bad days, mistakes and occasional sheer stupidity. For me, two principles guide my life in my relationships. Love my neighbor and do unto others as I would have them do unto me. Thanks for a thoughtful post Jeff. Good advice Jeff. I don’t think this post is about abandoning our principles. It’s more about cutting friends a little slack and taking some time to cool off and reflect. We can take a “time out” from a relationship while we sort things out, but we should not be hasty about cutting friends off. I think it’s juvenile to immediately “unfriend”, “unfollow” or “unfan.”

In healthy, safe, relationships, there is freedom to argue, disagree, even sometimes yell at each other, without the fear that someone is going to cut you off because you expressed how you were feeling. Healthy relationships are fluid and allow for good days and bad days, mistakes and occasional sheer stupidity.

For me, two principles guide my life in my relationships. Love my neighbor and do unto others as I would have them do unto me.

Thanks for a thoughtful post Jeff.

]]> Comment on How to Pull the Knife Out of Your Back by JT Long http://www.jeffmarmins.com/effectiveness/how-to-pull-the-knife-out-of-your-back/comment-page-1/#comment-260 JT Long Mon, 15 Feb 2010 01:51:49 +0000 http://www.jeffmarmins.com/?p=234#comment-260 Great advice. Also, I happen to think that all people are good at heart. Great advice. Also, I happen to think that all people are good at heart.

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